A Question On A Cold Night

“I don’t want to go too far too quickly”, he said to me one night over a phone call.

He lied.

I saw his eyes. They were nervous.

“I want to take it slow”, he said to me one night after our eighth, or sixth, or maybe our third date?

He lied.

It’s the third month after we officially got to know each other. Before that, we just sort of knew each other’s name and face but never more than that.

Now he sat beside me. Nothing too romantic. I was eating bread when he suddenly took my left hand. I kept chewing when he did. His grasp on my hand was tightening.

“If I have to move away from this place, maybe soon. Would you –in the near future– be my fiancee–and also later–be my wife?”

I couldn’t swallow the bread. For that one second, I even forgot how to take a breath.

It should’ve been a short answer –a mere yes or no. But this short word could change everything. My life. His life.

Logic –we both had it. We understood the ideal concept. “Give it some time”, “Just try to get to know each other better”, “Don’t skip on the process”. I could recall the advises all the time. How could I not, they were like the hit songs on the radio, hummed and sang by almost everyone. I knew what people would say to us: it’s too fast.

I was aware of that.

I was aware that the timing might be a mistake, the situation could’ve been better, that we might fight a lot when we’re adapting to each other while facing the overwhelming challenges together.

I was well aware that that’s what I was signed up for when I said, “Yes.”

Because he never gave up on life and he made me feel like I didn’t want to give up either, because he gave his best and he made me feel like I want to give my best, too, because he scolded me when I needed it, because he listened to me, because he never held back showing his true color, because I believe in me and he made me believe in him, because I would love to spend any boring days with him, and because I wasn’t a coward.

That night wasn’t so cold anymore when he took both of my hands, kissed them, and said, “Thank you”.

October 2018